I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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