sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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