i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
And then he peed in my hair
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
