let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
