Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
