I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
