Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
