remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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