I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
