my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
