it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
