"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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