If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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