i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
you made out with another girl for some wings
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
