and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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