honey bunches of taint.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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