My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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