You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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