I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
They have beer where we have blood.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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