i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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