Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
