We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
