I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
