you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
