i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
