His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
