I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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