i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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