Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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