i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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