Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
