she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
