I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
