This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
there is glitter all over my balls
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
