I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
