just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
A bitchslap is in order.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
