In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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