Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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