You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
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He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
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The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I came so hard my ears popped.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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