You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
