Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
