my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
