im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
he just fucked me for my cheese.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
