You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
