We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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