the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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