So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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