Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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