I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
