Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I smell like Dick and happiness
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
