In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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