Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
