Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
