By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
