The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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