I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
