Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
