I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
