We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
