i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize