never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
