when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
