dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
