Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
