I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
