I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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