I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
