Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
A+ Viking dick
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up