If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.