Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons