I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo