Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
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Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
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welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍