I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family