I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
