Me too!
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
